Monday, April 21, 2014

The story goes on: look in the past first part

The story goes on: look in the past

I already wrote about my childhood, about that there are some experiences that i did not feel so well playing my role as a boy. I admired the girls, but they did not want to talk to me.

When i was in my youth, it was getting a little bit better. I understood more the role i have to play. I actually did not have so many friends, i knew a lot of people, but that's all. I always tried to deal with my role as much as i can. But at this time i just thought about what csn i do to get better at school, to get a girl friend. When i was 14 i finally had my first girl friend, but she was far away in the states. I think her name was Heather. At the time i had to return to europe i felt just awful. It took some time before i got over it. I learned my role better and actually when i was 16/17 everything went better. But i still had problems with the girls. I just did not feel well to get in touch with thrm. I watched them from the distance and when i got a smile i was just happy. I thought about being together with her and more. It was just silly.

The first years at the university it was better, i used to play my role very well and met a lot of fantastic people. Some of them are still my friends today.

But something did not change. I met girls, but we just became friends. I never said the most important sentence i love you to a few of them over the time. We could talk about everything but there was just like a barrier. I think i just was to shy maybe, but now i see another reason.

What about that it was not possible because i jut played my role, but deep in my heart i knew that i can't love them because i just did not feel well in the role i had to play?

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